When working with perceived problematic and compulsive sexual behaviors, the moral incongruity model can be a useful framework that focuses on individual values and personal moral conflicts rather than pathologizing behaviors as addiction. I find that creating a non-judgmental framework is essential to working in this area since judgement enhances shame and repression. Shame leads to more emotional distress and repression leads to the so called rebound effect which refers to the tendency for a suppressed or restricted behavior to resurface with increased intensity after a period of inhibition or control.

What we will focus on instead is:

Clarify Personal Values: Help individuals clarify their personal values and beliefs around sexuality. Encourage exploration of their own moral framework and what they consider to be healthy, consensual, and ethical sexual behavior. This can provide a foundation for addressing moral incongruities and guiding behavior change.

Identify Moral Conflicts: Work with individuals to identify any moral conflicts or discrepancies between their sexual behaviors and their personal values. Explore the underlying beliefs, societal messages, or internal conflicts that may contribute to these incongruities. By bringing awareness to these conflicts, individuals can begin to understand the motivations behind their behaviors. This will also help examine whether the moral values we hold are representative of our actual values about sexuality.

Cultivate Mindfulness: Introduce mindfulness practices to develop non-judgmental awareness and self-observation. Encourage individuals to observe their thoughts, emotions, and urges without judgment or reactivity. Mindfulness can support individuals in recognizing patterns, triggers, and the impact of their behaviors on themselves and others.

Values-Driven Behavior Change: Help individuals set goals and develop strategies to align their behaviors with their personal values. Focus on promoting healthy, consensual, and responsible sexual behaviors that align with their moral framework. Encourage the development of coping skills and alternative ways of meeting needs that are in line with their values.

Emotional Regulation: Assist individuals in developing healthy coping mechanisms for managing emotions and stress that may contribute to problematic sexual behaviors. Teach emotion regulation skills, such as identifying triggers, utilizing relaxation techniques, or engaging in activities that promote self-care and emotional well-being.

Address Underlying Factors: Explore any underlying factors, such as trauma, relationship issues, or low self-esteem, that may contribute to problematic sexual behaviors. Support individuals in addressing these underlying factors through appropriate therapeutic interventions, such as trauma-focused therapy, couples counseling, or self-esteem enhancement exercises.

Cultivate Self-Compassion: Encourage individuals to cultivate self-compassion throughout their journey of change. Help them develop a non-judgmental and forgiving attitude towards themselves, recognizing that behavior change is a process and setbacks may occur. Support the development of self-acceptance and self-care practices.